How to Thrive as an Expat - Or as Anyone, Anywhere

We sat on the neighbor’s patio, under the grapefruit tree, caressed by the tropical breeze, evening frogs chirping in the distance, the scent of ripening mangoes from next door.

His guest said, “All I want is to be happy! Is that asking too much?” No, he didn’t say it. He whined it.

I wanted to respond, “If all you want is to be happy, you will never get there.” But he was three sheets to the wind, and I never waste my counseling skills on somebody who won’t remember the heartfelt conversation in the morning.

Happiness is not a destination. It is a byproduct.

People retire to beautiful places around the world. This place was Costa Rica. But it could have been Tahiti or the south of France. It’s the same story. Enough money for the house with a pool and the service to clean it. A set of golf clubs and fishing poles. Membership at the tennis club. Standing reservations at the restaurant overlooking the beach.

And they are bored.

In eighteen years of observing expats up close, I have noticed this:

If people don’t come with something worthwhile to do, or don’t find something worthwhile to do, they don’t settle. They don’t stay. They leave with a list of complaints as long as their arm. They feel cheated by the promise of happiness that was not fulfilled.

However:

The ladies who started the local library with its rickety shelves—their eyes are shining as they show us around.

The artist who offers classes at a local bar—she grins when she talks about the experience.

The happiest person I know helps a local pastor organize mission trips.

The highlight of the year for a whole crowd of expats is when they organize the Christmas party for local children in need.

Happiness is not a destination. It is a byproduct. It is the byproduct of a life worth living.

Entertainment is the cotton candy of life. And its consumption is the most fleeting of joys. The richest people in the world—they continuously need more. They never have enough. Because what they consume is nothing.

Don’t consume these beautiful places. Find a way to participate, to add value, to join the community to which you have moved.

You’ll be happy enough.